8.9

sorry for not updating for such a long time=)

although there is a lot of things happened to me, i didn't write these out at here. may be i am busy? ( but i am not), may be i am lazy? may be i think is useless posting it out?last time when i was sad, i will try to find someone to talk to, but now, since that day i ask yingshi what she will do when she felt sad, she said she will keep inside her heart, so from that day... but now.... nvm

haizx, things didn't go so well actually, since sec1 when studying at orchid park secondary school,
until now, i still faced alot of problems, friends, family studies, relationship... don't know la.. i thought love comes in naturally, when you really like that person, is really cannot express in word. Someone say this and this match. who and who not match? does it really matter? so what if match? so what if not? loves come naturally through your heart... not mouth ! i believed you truly like the person, no matter how much effort you put in, the most important thing is wish the person to be happy rihgt? hope that he could take care of her. take care.. sound so far... but what? actually just hope that she wont get hurt ...

most of my friends are younger than me, but everyone also treat me like same age or younger? Actually i don't really mind, i just wish that i could mix with them, but guess what? sometimes i just felt that i am very left out... is it because misunderstanding of age-gap? or what? i don't mind what you all treat me as, cause i am really not ...

family problem, since i came to Singapore to study, the connection and relationship with my parents are getting lesser and lesser. They are getting less and less understand about me. The things i hate most is they always tried to use "sarcastic word" to make me do somethings ! which this didn't happened when i study in MALAYSIA ! moreover, at malaysia i still managed to find some friend who knows about me, care about me. my parents always misunderstand the message i try to send to them and turn another way to scold me...

studies... the most important things. English, all of my friends know, my english is damm damm damm poor, i don't deny that, but sometimes really hurt when someone tried to learn more and you all down there laughing and teasing at me. since sec1 , i have decided to score well in my english and have a fluent conversation in English. why why why? and now, i am already sec4, O level is coming, and my english still like sh*t. I wanted to go JC and the least is a pass in english isn't it? 2 more months. teachers also look down on the students, i shall not mention their name.
Chemistry... omg, this is another subject which i hardly get a pass since beginning of sec 3, and now sec4 ! O LEVEL IS COMING ! the last test i only got 18/40, WTF LA... study also failed... never study also fail... this kind of standard wishing to go to a JC ! other friends down there laugh at me also LAI BU JI ! sorry Mr Ramesh?

......................................................................................................................................................speechless............................................................

i still remember clearly what my father ask me through the phone when i get back my mind year result...
" diyao, is it possible for you to retake the o level next year, ask principal whether you are allow to study sec4 again and retake if cannot make it"
when you all saw this, i am not lying , may be you will down there laughing, pity me or what i I DONT CARE ! i just know my dad is not UNDERSTAND ME anymore ! this is what i mean all sort of "sarcastic" , but did he know that i am really very hurt?

haizx.. i shall not carry on, i have really really really tired of all kind of things that had happen to me, really tired... shouldn't me be studying now? you may ask me this question and ask me to stop about what happen to the past... i shall stop here. may be you will think i am a emo person, but i just with to thank those who read this post... just want to be happy everyday as well as you to be happy...........

if i at malaysia... since i at singapore........... HAIZX!!!!
why some girls like that type of guy? o.o loving someone can make you do all sort things... including changing yourself into that type?

slam dunk ?

At about 6:37 ,When I am going to mac to do my homework… Jason called me… ask me to play bball at 850 with yijie… I haven say anything… he hang my phone -.- no choice but to go down play bball…

We played 1v2 jason and I vs YIJIE ! haha.. that was fun ~ we played yijie around like a monkey -.- haha… after that.. we play HORSE ! wa~ yijie damm dai ko man~ he shoot 2 balls where from far away 45 degree 3 points ‘s outside lines there.. (dun know how to say, very far la).. haha.. then Jason GET H and O ~ lol..

I am trying to pull the ring, then Jason came out with 1 idea -.- slam dunk ! haha.. the picture there just looks REAL ! haha… not bad yijie… ^^

a real Diyao is BACK

{my determination is back}
its seems that i had broken my promise long time ago,
My Dream, My GOAL, all its like easier said than done.
NO... i am going to change back, as soon as possible... you can see a real diyao in msia
the diyao in sg has gone... now is time for me to concentrate on my study !
is no time left ! 6 months left ...

[MY GOAL]
-Top student in OPSS 2007
-L1R5 10 and below

NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE

...Ms Lee expectation breaks my determination

time passes very fast... and i am already in sec4... this year is my critical year... everyone around me keep repeating the same sentence... from the starting of the school... Mr Mathew organized a " super teen" camp for sec4s1, 4s2 and 4s3... after the camp... all of us have that kind of spirit of scoring 7 "A1"s in our O level... our determination is so strong, but... after few days ... some of our determination had already gone... but what is important is me... my self... seriously, i know clearly that what is the aim in my mind... but... it seems unrealistic after Ms Lee ( our form teacher) told us that... it is REALLY tough to get an A1 for your English... she is just have a small hope that our English will at least a B3... my determination of getting A1 for my English immediately drop down from the top of my heart... she said this to the whole class.. she is hoping that "we" at least must get an B3... and my English standard is about LAST in the class.. which means... after 2 months of teaching us... she expects that most of our classmates to get a B3, then.. means that it is even harder for me to get a B3.. or even worse B4 or C5...

eh... i am really stress of talking about my English.. i had been studying in singapore about 3 years and yet it seems like my English is not improving at all... there was a lot of real life example whereby China students with very poor English language at Sec3 and yet can get a A1 in their o level... it is possible.. i also think that it is possible.. but somehow... last time... my determination of doing everything is so strong but honesty... this time round getting A1 of my English is so far after Ms Lee's expectation...

everyday in mind my i am thinking that why cant i concentrate of my study.. but somehow... its like there is much much much lesser "...ships" in my Singapore school life... again... friendship, relationships with my parents... all these is so difficult to find in Singapore school life than studying in Malaysia. When i was in Malaysia, i have no time for giving a single thought of this kind of things... may be.. my most difficulties are getting through this kind of things... i am an emotional person... in Chinese ， 重感情的人 . and.. every times, when i am sad... i feel like finding someone to talk to but !!! i really dun know who to go to !! really dun know.. there is not a good friend can talk to me... i treated someone as my best friends.. but... his action makes me feels worse... forget it.. dun talk about it le... in the end... i have no a best friend thats all... in another side... the time which i spend with my family is much more lesser from last time... and... they seem like not know me well anymore... there is a lot of misunderstanding and problem in communicating with them... i dare not say any things nowadays... is sad... but.. its yet so true... that if i say.. they will get wrong messages and turn as much as way to scold me... and i hate the MOST things that found in my dad is....... i think i shouldn't write down... even though i hate that kind of attitude but i still trying over and over to forgive ... cause i still love them... and i know they do as well... but... i just cannot find out why... the thing cannot been found at all !

everyone had only 1 chance of living in this world... whether you care or not... the rule just doesn't change, what i think is most important thing in the life is... happy everyday... not a single regret of living... cause.. i am really really afraid that what will i "go" after i was dead... i do not wan to leave this lovable world... and Mr Goh... did you remember that you asked our class whether we had ever give a thought about what happened after we die ? yes.. i did... since P6... it is not a good thing actually... haizx... i shall not carry on... cause my tears are dripping...

New Start

hello all again... this is my new blog, hope this year i will be wrtting more things and not bull shitting.. =) thanks for coming / tagging in my blog... ENJOY !